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Am I out of line to want my gyro bread bisected and then stuffed: thereby making my it more of a gyro sandwich than a gyro wrap? Tasting Gyros is a mouthparty. Eating Gyros is anxiety inducing. I feel like I’m too worried about how not to spray tzatziki on everyone to be able to fully enjoy the meal. Also, as currently constructed, its impossible to get a consistent bite. I’m either chomping on all bread and veggies or all meat and sauce. There’s like one bite in the whole process that is a perfect mix. (and it keeps me coming back every time). Sure, I could somewhat ease the mixing problem by reconstructing it myself a bit, but I paid for a meal, man, not a job. Who knows, maybe it’s been tried and the bread just isn’t hearty enough to support both sides when halved.

– Cake-Eater, via email.

Lots of classic gyro-eating problems here. I wish I had more wisdom, but truth is, eating a gyro is a tricky (albeit ultimately rewarding) endeavor.

Forget about splitting the gyro bread in half. I’ve only seen one place pull that off — The Little Cafe, near Georgetown in DC — and that place is now closed. Presumably the amount of effort that took ran them out of business. Plus — and as you suggest — though the gyro bread is thick, it’s not thick enough to withstand being stuffed with meat and sauce and vegetables. It worked at Little Cafe because the stuffing was chicken and hummus. Lamb is a greasy meat. That’s going to seep through.

I’d say: 1) The foil is your friend. The best way to keep everything as neat as possible when eating a gyro is to keep as much foil on the sandwich as long as possible. That means tearing it off bit by bit as you eat your way through. By the end you’re going to have one extremely messy sauce-well of foil, but you’re just going to have to face that when you get there. And it’s going to get all over your hands. Cost of doing business, brother.

2) Cut down on the vegetables. Seriously, are you eating that gyro for the iceberg lettuce and mealy tomatoes, or for the delicious, greasy hunks of lamb with tzatziki and hot sauce? See if you can talk the street-meat guy (are we talking street-meat gyros here? I get a good 85% of my gyros off the street) out of tomatoes entirely, and tell him to go light on the lettuce. You won’t be sorry. That stuff is just a third wheel on your date with delicious gyro meat. I get that you want some lettuce in there for crunch, but you’re still going to get plenty — and it’s going to mix in better with the meat if there’s less. It’s physics, or something.

Also, the gyros poster above hung on the wall at a diner in my town. Several times I tried to convince the owner to sell it to me but he never budged. Then the last time I was in there it was gone. What gives? I wanted that poster!